hurt

Suddenly everything came back in my mind...

it reli feels like it happened just yesterday...
why? Why didnt this feel ceased and dissapear for good?

It's destroying me... and my new r/s...
It feels so so hurting...

and in my heart, i was calling out to my bf name.. hoping he would hear...
just as how the ex wld when i called out his name in my heart....

if i do dat now, i knw he will feel it... cuz the bond is still dere....

bf bf, where r u? i need u here with me so much....

Im sorry for all the things that happened between us....
I brought my past together with me and let it come btwn us...

But after wat u said this afternoon...
I just realised im being selfish....
Wat u told me reli brought me bck to Earth....
I realised all this while been dreaming that finally i've found the one..
but actually nope...

It was just an imagination...
there is no such thing...
isnt it??



Love,
nina

how sweeter can my sweet sweet november be?
I had an advanced surprise bdae party from my dearest bf...

he actually planned it early, and i never even suspected...
very very thoughtful and caring of him...
yah, never had a surprise party before...

the amazing thing is, he actually planned it with my family and frens.. and yah, they were good in sealing the plan to make sure i dun suspect anything... even my mum joined in the trick!
i would never suspect lah, cuz im too blur to notice anything at all.. lol!

no wonder he reli wanted to go out with me on saturday...
brought me to watch movie, den b& j @ dempsey... den to mt faber... our spot... where he will give me tons of surprises there... so now i knw the tricks.. if he's bringin me there... means he's gonna give me a surprise.. lol!

how can i not love him more and more each day... he did alot of things for me... that i've never felt for so long...



love,
nina

Happy Birthday

24th October 2009

ur bdae... never fail to celebrate it with you.... for 8 yrs...
the first time is still clear in my mind... bought perfume and a mini ball.. it was green... addidas...
cuz u love soccer so much... and dats where i first met you... u were playing soccer... at nyp sch field...

and this year for the first time, i wasnt there to wish you... to celebrate it with you....
you were with someone else i guess....

I hope all ur wishes come true.....

Back home!

Pheewww... finally im bck home...
i dunno how it turn out... but i screwed up halfway...

it was okay... i managed to talk to the family... just abit... lol!
i hope this is a good start for me...

along the way, there is some sadness that overcome me...
i was thinking abt the ex mum....
reli miss her alot....
at that point of time, i reli wished to just take my fone and give her a call...
i reli miss dat comforting hug, cuz she knew the pain i went tru... and her prayers to give me all the patience i need to go thru everything...

Will i ever be loved by another mum like dat...??
will i ever get another best mum in law like her??


p/s: i knw i never get the chance to call u "mak" but i just wnt u to knw... i reli reli love you like my own... and i hope, you will never forget me... cuz you will always stay in my heart....

sweet

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -Bob Marley

Can i not go?

tomorrow morning.. i will be goin to KL with him and his family...
first time away, with someone i just got to know.. not close at all, who don't knw me...

i've always been a baby... a lil kid...
Still depending on my mum...

Im very nervous, im not close with them at all... met twice... and now goin for a holiday with them.. i hope it works...

after dat fone call with him...
i just dun feel like goin anymore...
I hate ppl forcing me to do things i dun wnt... im the rebellious kind, the more you asked me to do somethings which i dun like, the more im not gonna do it...

Reli,this feel so draggy... i dun feel like goin... i just wanna slp.... slp slp.... slp till monday


love,
nina

Raya 2009 with him

It was green this year! our first year together...

I love this pic of him, love messing up his hair! LOL!

love,

nina

Somehow today i feel blessed....

We had a talk yesterday....
and i realised that he reli understand me...
the unpredictable girl as what he describe me as...
suddenly, i became transparent....
He knew why i behave that way... wat was i thinking when i did that...

and i kept quiet... all sorts of questions came to mind...
i asked myself.. how could anyone knew, without me saying what was in my mind...?
i asked myself... is he the one sent to me??
i asked myself... can i love him as much as i did for sumone from the past...?
the last qn.... why? why does he wnt to be with me with flaws and all... when he could get a better one??
why and how could he accept me for who i am??
what is it in me dat he see dat i dun??
why is it so hard to convinced me after tons of time explaining to me why he wnts to be with me??



pls gimme an ans....




love,
nina

Confusion

Things getting harder and more complicated now....

I've come to a point, whereby i need to make my choice, so i wun hurt anyone...

I feel like crying so bad....

why why why did i brought myself to this situation...

i tried to leaving... but i miss the times i had with both... somehow... i need both to be arnd me...

gosh, never been this confused!

Change my Wardrobe!

Okay....

Hmmm... it's time to change my wardrobe!!
from now on, i'll be getting more dresses.... and more heels!

sheeeessshh!!! I've always been the sporty casual kind of person.... i hate wearing heels... cuz im comfortable with normal shoes.... flats shoes.... and i seldom wear dresses.....

So now, time for a change....






love, nina

back here!

I thought i was doing the right thing. but i wasn't... it was all wrong..
and what i'm doing right now is even worst.. how could i? how could i?

I told myself, i can.. i can... but i was just deceiving and in denial... being positive or not, it's all the same.. im gonna be in the same situation...

Ya Allah, pls pls help me...

Please give me ur guidance... Please just tell me what to do now...
Am i doing the right thing...? Am I in vengence?

What's my next step.. everything i do? i'll be back to the same thing...
yes, ppl can say i shouldn't have accepted him back.. pls can say... just leave him and don't make the same mistake again...

Easier said than done.... You are not me! You don't know how i feel... it's stupid... i know it is.. i know he's treating me like shit... I know he's just playing with me.. i know!

I did wat you all told me to.... leave him... and said when he comes back, make it hard for him.. i listen to everyone... Im not blaming them for what happen to me...

It's all up to me isnt' it.... i made the mistakes.. .it's me... i made the mistakes! over and over again....

STupid love

Met up with the bestie yesterday, told her everything that's in my heart, what's been bothering me and all.

She's so sweet, to suggest meeting up when she could just gimme a call when she's free...
Im so lucky to have her as a bestie... Thanks ya!

I dunno how many times i've been going thru this, I thought everything could change, and i was happy when it did... but as wat ppl said, leopard never change its spot..

and as wat the malays says, " Semangat 5 minit" or "janji melayu"!

Watever it is, im happy with my decision, though it's hard for me...

Bestie asked me why i didn't i hate my boyfiee instead... when he's the culprit of all the trouble that he caused me... all the heart pain, it was all because of him...

Yes, i did try.. i tried... my brain told me, that's what i should do, but the heart always say a different thing...

each day, i'll wake up.. saying " i hate farid" and each nite i'll go to bed, saying " i hate farid"
im doing this childish thing, cuz afterall, it's all in the mind and how we see it... maybe i thought, doing this would finally kill all my feelings for him...

But i failed.. i failed.. the love seems to overcome every logic and every senses... Everyone see and think that i shouldn't be with him at all nor should i give him the chances that i gave...

I know that....
Dear friends, i know that... i see what you all see...

What im doing rite now, just make me feel glad...
We do need the space... to clear our minds... and for me to find myself again.. and to gain control of my life again...
I see the flaws and the mistakes...
but my only regret now is, i should have done this earlier...

i do miss him... despite him being a jerk in my life..
this is what ppl call.. Stupid love...

I promise to love myself as much as i loved him before...