back here!

I thought i was doing the right thing. but i wasn't... it was all wrong..
and what i'm doing right now is even worst.. how could i? how could i?

I told myself, i can.. i can... but i was just deceiving and in denial... being positive or not, it's all the same.. im gonna be in the same situation...

Ya Allah, pls pls help me...

Please give me ur guidance... Please just tell me what to do now...
Am i doing the right thing...? Am I in vengence?

What's my next step.. everything i do? i'll be back to the same thing...
yes, ppl can say i shouldn't have accepted him back.. pls can say... just leave him and don't make the same mistake again...

Easier said than done.... You are not me! You don't know how i feel... it's stupid... i know it is.. i know he's treating me like shit... I know he's just playing with me.. i know!

I did wat you all told me to.... leave him... and said when he comes back, make it hard for him.. i listen to everyone... Im not blaming them for what happen to me...

It's all up to me isnt' it.... i made the mistakes.. .it's me... i made the mistakes! over and over again....

STupid love

Met up with the bestie yesterday, told her everything that's in my heart, what's been bothering me and all.

She's so sweet, to suggest meeting up when she could just gimme a call when she's free...
Im so lucky to have her as a bestie... Thanks ya!

I dunno how many times i've been going thru this, I thought everything could change, and i was happy when it did... but as wat ppl said, leopard never change its spot..

and as wat the malays says, " Semangat 5 minit" or "janji melayu"!

Watever it is, im happy with my decision, though it's hard for me...

Bestie asked me why i didn't i hate my boyfiee instead... when he's the culprit of all the trouble that he caused me... all the heart pain, it was all because of him...

Yes, i did try.. i tried... my brain told me, that's what i should do, but the heart always say a different thing...

each day, i'll wake up.. saying " i hate farid" and each nite i'll go to bed, saying " i hate farid"
im doing this childish thing, cuz afterall, it's all in the mind and how we see it... maybe i thought, doing this would finally kill all my feelings for him...

But i failed.. i failed.. the love seems to overcome every logic and every senses... Everyone see and think that i shouldn't be with him at all nor should i give him the chances that i gave...

I know that....
Dear friends, i know that... i see what you all see...

What im doing rite now, just make me feel glad...
We do need the space... to clear our minds... and for me to find myself again.. and to gain control of my life again...
I see the flaws and the mistakes...
but my only regret now is, i should have done this earlier...

i do miss him... despite him being a jerk in my life..
this is what ppl call.. Stupid love...

I promise to love myself as much as i loved him before...