nina have been busy with her projects these days and i got no time to tell her of anything yet. gosh i felt like shouting cause i needed someone to talk to. ouh lord! my past came back to me. i was having msn conversation with sabby and out of the blue, we were talking about rahman. like she wanted to know the real story behind the past. i wonder how she would react to my truth. i wasnt ready to tell her anything yet. i jux read her blog and she seems to have some personnal disturbing things in her mind. felt pity for her. i wonder if she had any gd night sleep with problems that she is dealing. i do hope she's ok.

anyway she even told me she had like 2 years to forget about "our ex"! same goes to me. but im really not in any position to keep on thinking about rahman tough.
and so she kinda ask who were with rahman 1st. me or her.
initially it was her. but they broke of and rahman was single when i met him. and so my huge crush for him led to a stupid love realtionship. after 5 and a half month of my so-called-1st-love, he broke of with me and wanted to be juxt bestfrens. so the dumb dumb teenage yarasha says ok to it and had no thought that he would cheat on her. duh! kiter tak pernah gaduh sei.. and i trusted him. So i got no bad thoughts about the break up.
by chance that i met nina after a year of losing contacts. we met and got excited over our 1st love and i were only teasing and tells nina-" y not we disturb our bf?" she dint do it cox takut farid marah. and so we tried on rahman. we text rahman using nina's num and pretend to be some1 called liza who wanted to get to know him.
and so rahman engage with a long sms conversation with liza n keen to know who she is. it was that night that an unknown came to us and told us not to disturb her bf. and yarasha here- at that point of time was the gf of rahman get so curious of who the hell is that unknown??
of cox u were to think the same as i do if u were in my shoe rite?
it was then that i learned she is sabby- the( then) ex gf of rahman.
Frm there is where i learn he was cheating on me. still, i couldnt believe the fact of it and like a week later, he broke of with me. it was on valentines day!
yeah u can imagine how torned i was huh?
and so sabby still demand "liza" to shoo off from rahman. Eventually, sabby and liza had horrible plus brutal vulgarity sms fight.
i can still remem that nina dunno how to deal with sabby and nina also got freaking irritated for me. i jux couldnt bother about it. sigh.
it was from the sms fightings that i get to know rahman is gonna date out sabby on valentines day. (sabby told liza-which is me n nina, about their date becox liza dint trust sabby being rahman's gf)

valentines day:
yarasha called rahman and telling him that i know he is dating his ex gf.
yarasha called sabby to tell her that rahman jux broke of with me.
yarasha was super torned and heartbroken and ruined their valentines date.

back to school, i got myself a really short haircut for being heartbroken. rahman wrote in my jurnal to tells of how sorry he was. We then became close frens. its a wonder that he still ask me out for this and that and without the knowledge of sabby. i thought for once he see me as a trusted fren. and when the day came to sabby birthday. i gave some suggestion to him to make her a special day. i chose her birthday watch and i made the card for her. nina says im crazy to be doing all this for his sake. but i regard it as the name of "love". yeah watever u called it.
that night, its sabby who get to know that rahman goes out with me. her birthday turn out terrible.
rahman got so mad at me and told him not to blame me. duh! yah but he still became close frens with me. wierd.
about liza.. me and nina so happen create her as a gerl id knew rahman would fall for: a beach gerl and a roxy lover... etc..
a month later. ive been trying to tell rahman the truth about liza. but im scared. i feel so bad. gosh ive never been so hypocritics in my life b4. i was a backstabber close fren and rahman dint noe of it. finally i put up with my gut to tell him the unplanned lies i had for him.
it was at borders. i told rahman the truth. he got so furious and and he left me stranded there.
after that we hardly spoke to each other and he got close to another gal..

i jux hate everything about the past. because i clearly remember it all!! yeah 5 years have gone by and i still clearly remember it all.. this is the reason i dint keep my 3 thick jurnals of the past happenings with me.. cause i really really hate it all..
i just wish my past would simply vanish into thin air..
some would say that i had my sweet revenge..
i was not even supposed to be a revenge cause ive never planned about any revenge..
i do hope im being forgiven for my past mistakes
ouh gosh!
sigh
nina!! where are you??
needing you badly!!